Thursday, 24 May 2007

Every once and a while something comes along that has you rolling around in stitches.

This is one of those 'moments'! This is comic genius!

Friday, 11 May 2007


I feel like an off the wall rant.......How many people can you name who are famous for not really doing anything? Paris ‘money can’t buy style’ Hilton, who is famous for…well, being rich, looking cheap and being in her own tv show where she….ummm, is rich and cheap looking. Patsy ‘buried in a Y-shaped coffin’ Kensit, who fucks rock stars, and that’s it. Kate ‘oh my god, shock! I’m on drugs!’ Moss who is famous for being very thin, very drunk and very high. Oh yeah, and for wearing stuff and walking up and down. Pete ‘name ONE of my songs’ Doherty, who is famous for taking drugs and going out with Kate Moss. Robbie ‘I love myself I hate myself LOOK AT ME’ Williams, who doesn’t write music, can’t really sing changes his entire personality every few months in a desperate attempt to get some attention. Geri ‘as talented as roadkill’ Halliwell, who was famous in the Spice Girls for being loud and slutty-looking and now is…well, a female Robbie Williams, only more annoying. Anyone from any reality tv show.

So what the fuck is the obsession with celebrity? Why do people want to be famous just for the sake of being famous? What the hell is the point in that? And more importantly, why doing people want to read about this crap in red-top newspapers and sleb magazines like Heat (hiss, spit!)? Who gives a fuck what diet Jade from Big Brother is on (cause look in the mirror dear, it aint working!)? Who cares what restaurant Posh Spice (about as posh as a burberry tracksuit) eats (or doesn’t eat) at? Who cares what all the fabulous ’stars’ of Saturday morning kids tv are wearing? What is wrong with people who obsess over this shit? Seriously…why? JUST WHY?!
And don’t even get me started on ‘I’m a celebrity, get me out of here’. You’re a celebrity? Really? The cast of this show consists of a bunch of washed up tv presenters from fuck knows how long ago, a couple of people who used to be in boy ‘bands’ (if it doesn’t write music, don’t play instruments and can’t sing, it’s not a fucking band!), the obligatory breasts, someone from some crap soap and someone who went out with someone who was on a reality tv show a few years back. These people are not actually celebrities! They aren’t really anybody. And ‘get me out of here’? Gladly. Here’s a handful of cyanide pills. Eat them. Shut up.

I don’t mind people being famous for actually DOING something - musicians, actors, whatever. If someone is very good at something, they are well known for it. That’s fine. But being famous for getting your floppy tits out on a reality tv show? Really?! Holy fuck, if reality was actually LIKE that, the suicide rate would be MUCH much higher. What’s so wrong with the world that being famous for ANYTHING has become this weird ambition and obsession? Are people really so brainless and moronic that they believe that just being KNOWN, or heard of, or having a horrendous photograph of themselves in a cheap newspaper or gossip magazine is something to be immensely proud of? And gossip magazine…oh my god. AGH! If you don’t actually KNOW the people involved, it’s not gossip!

I don’t care what diet anyone on any tv show is on. I don’t care what the cast of last year’s Big Brother are wearing. I don’t care who in what boy ‘band’ is gay (cause really, it’s never exactly a surprise). I don’t care which soap actress is going out with which nightclub owner. Maybe there’s something wrong with me because I don’t want to sit in my living room watching a live feed of a bunch of other people sitting in a room on tv. Because I have MY OWN LIFE. And it’s great, thank you very much. Even if it’s never on the front page of The Sun.


I thought i'd write my second blog on a topic that i'm currently engaged in at work. The company blog. Now I'm sure there are a lot of people out there that will tell me this is a truely simple task. Ah ha - come work for my company.

Our blog receives a fair bit of traffic, unique and more importantly returning visitors. The one thing that lets us down is our ability to write really engaging content. We seem to have an exceptionally bad habit of writing about us, us and us. Content is both dry and at times irrelevant.

Recently i've been doing a lot of research about how to stimulate us internally and also stimulate our audience into at minimal leaving the odd comment or two. A couple of articles have really helped and if you are in the same boat give them a read.

I work for a fashion retailer so 99% of our online activity in centered around selling. An article written by Ryan Welton of about selling with blogs really got me thinking.

I noticed that a number of bloggers have quoted George Orwell as a good starting point when writing blog content. Orwell wrote an essay titled, "Politics and the English Language." He suggested when writing a sentence you should always ask yourself these questions

1. What am I trying to say?
2. What words will express it?
3. What image or idiom will make it clearer?
4. Is this image fresh enough to have an effect?
5. Could I put it more shortly?
6. Have I said anything that is avoidably ugly?

When choosing words, follow those rules:

7. Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
8. Never use a long word where a short one will do.
9. If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
10. Never use the passive where you can use the active.
11. Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
12. Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.

This really is food for thought..........

Wednesday, 9 May 2007

Journey of a newbie - starting point

So here we go. Hello Blogsphere......................

I thought about writing many a blog, in fact I’ve got a couple going at the moment but I wanted to make this not just about my online marketing adventures but stuff that i'm actually interested as well, field hockey and music. You see I’m new to this Internet marketing lark. Previously I worked in advertising and corporate communications (very dull). I always thought internet marketing was for sweaty types who never saw the light of day. To date I’ve been pleasantly surprised.

Having studied marketing at university I was brought up on a stable diet of traditional marketing, brands, marketing plans, research, consumer insight and so on. Spending time in advertising fueled this mindset; brands are the only thing worth knowing on planet they'd have you believe. Therefore, by the time I’d served my apprenticeship at a big creative agency and gone all-corporate on the world, online marketers were sweaty after dark types who communicated with the outside world via web messenger and the likes. (I actually use messenger a lot, so not sure where that places me)

Ok, so I’ve changed my tune a little, actually a lot. My introduction to online marketing has so far been a fascinating and a rather tiring journey. Learning is tiring but when you're working and learning 8-10 hours, 5 days a week it kinda grinds you down. (boo flippin hoo)

One thing that I have noticed - everyone wants to be an expert and no two people seem to agree on the same thing! I mean sure Kotler and his chums had their critics but god there were many followers. Online marketing iseems to be strewn with so called 'professionals', 'experts', and 'web guru's'. I guess it's a big cake and everyone wants his or her own little bit.

As I'm just about to hit the publish button a thought runs through my head - will anyone read my blog. Probably not, well maybe someone, my girlfriend hopefully, maybe my mum and dad also.

I'm not holding my breathe.